Monochrome

Not right now, I'm drowning the world out. This is a big reason as to why I'm all monochrome, but everything else I've been drawing lately has color. I'm aware that a bunch of you know that I am afflicted with a mental disease called Asperger's Syndrome.

"An autism spectrum disorder (ASD) that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction, alongside restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. It differs from other autism spectrum disorders by its relative preservation of linguistic and cognitive development."
-Wikipedia

So everything about me that's interesting, exciting, or funny is usually kept on the inside. The Rainbow in Requiem Rainbow is on the inside. On the outside, I'm quiet, reclusive, and one person described me as "unfriendly". The problem being that, unlike other ASDs where the afflicted doesn't want or care for social interaction, people with AS crave social interaction, but don't learn anything about it through growing and maturing, and it saddens us. I don't want a girlfriend just so I can be like "What's up, I have a girlfriend". I want a companion. A partner in crime, work, and life. I want someone I'm comfortable speaking to. I've been growing and learning through observation, and now I can (awkwardly) approach people. But starting conversation? Nope. That's why I love the Internet. DeviantART is not a part of my social life. DeviantART IS my social life. I can talk to people with common interests, say stuff and not feel like what I said was stupid, and learn a thing or two about myself. I've even met a good amount of others afflicted with AS on this site, as well as a few others. I feel I've made some good friends on this site. Sure, they may live a good few thousand miles away, but friends are friends. We can't see each other, but that doesn't mean we're not there. So thanks, people. You guys rock. If not for you guys, then I may have gotten worse. I don't know. Maybe I would've developed epilepsy, or gone into depression. Neither of those sound fun.

I'm like a crab. My outer shell is cold and hard, but once I open up to you, I'm a big, mushy, delicious pile of fun. Oh, how I wish I were soft-shell.

And if we ever do find each other, and you find me looking like this, staring into space, showing no emotion, don't get freaked out. I'm just thinking too hard about something.